There's a pressure
building up behind my eyes.
The people don't see
the blood vessels aching.

I'm Russian-pale
and French-tempered.
Too lazy too really want
world domination.

I drink Almond-Rice
and get dizzy from the sugar.
I sweat after a few intense moments
of locking eyes with a stranger.

I write
thin
thick
UPRIGHT
And so perfectly

That even with the frustrations
I feel like I'm a different person each time
I pick up the pen.

I've been feeling more settled
as of late.
Even as my waist line dwindles
because of my lack of appetite,
I manage the gym, the tutoring, the reading, the work
because apparently that's what my life looks like now.

Next stop? Apartment and new computer.
Doable, I know.

Now if only I could sleep.

---

Quick run down of the last few weeks:

Kicked out of my parent's house. Living with Mr. 30.
Worked 50 hrs in 3 days due to an event my boss was putting on. Almost made all of November's bills in that 3 days.
Hopefully will have gotten My Hero Without Fear a new job as a personal assistant by this coming Friday.
Went and saw Steve Byrne at the Irvine Comedy Club.
Got a new putter.
Went to the gym 4/7 days.
Having AMAZAKE! The best rice-almond drink in the world.
Starting my UCSD app Nov 1st.
Reapplying to Camp Nov 1st... even though I may not be able to work it because of my current job.
Washed my car.
Having dinner with my dad tonight.
My GRE gal I was tutoring improved her score by 100 points! She went from a 550 to a 650 (out of 800) with 7 weeks of working with me. Super proud of her.
I'll probably have something like $50 worth of dry cleaning.
I am living out of my suitcases and I feel so transient that I sometimes want to cry.
Working through and past the idea that no one wants me. Mostly because it's not true.
I've given up on PityParties.
I've started tithing.
I have a kickass pen that I stole from Mr. 30's desk drawer. He may never get it back.
I get to drive Mr. 30 to meet up with his friends this afternoon because they're all driving up to LA to see the Lakers play the Clippers and watch the opening ceremonies (where they get the rings and the trophy makes another appearance).
Lots of things to handle once I get back into the office. Things that don't involve blogging.

Signing off. Working towards -
Balance

The carpet smells of smoke
thick
and catches in my throat.

You laugh from above me
where the air is cleaner
and it's a high pitched squeal
more than anything.

My nose is bleeding
and I'm silent.
I deserve this.

---

Wow, morbid today.